First at that place was Fast Company'south "The 10 All-time Amazon Reviews. Ever." Then, due to popular demand, nosotros presented, just in time for Christmas, "10 More of the Best Amazon Reviews. Ever." At present we give you "Nevertheless More of the x Best Amazon Reviews. E'er"–the third in our series of crowdsourced disquisitional masterpieces, courtesy of the legions of Amazon reviewers.

Who needs Consumer Reports when yous tin open up up product criticism to the masses–the folks who actually store on Amazon for everything from a rubberized inflatable turkey to a pimp costume for kids, a $30,000 photographic camera lens, or a cure for irritable bowel syndrome based on the Bible. Why, these reviews are a zeitgeist for our historic period.

Read on for more than of our favorites.

1. Dog 24-hour interval Afternoon

Tracy "Tracy" rated the volume five stars. "I felt bad at first shaving my dog completely bald, simply after I got the sweater made using this volume, he now looks stylish in his own fur!"

Victor Wins was suitably impressed: "This book is a god-transport, all this time, I have been knitting with wolverine hair. Let me tell you, it has been a rough time for the wolverine knitting industry, so I idea I'd try something new. After shaving my dog, I knit the gift of a pocket-size pillow for my daughter to take to her friend during her Justin Bieber themed birthday party, I know the pillow will exist a hit!"

And the winner is …

2. Turkey Trots

Carmen Lost "Gorging Reader" from North Carolina bought the inflatable turkey for Christmas. "I didn't even have to preheat the oven and my table looked magnificent with the golden-brown bird as its centerpiece. "

Sadie also gave it kudos for its appearance but deducted a star for the season: "The inflatable turkey looked magnificent and took very petty time to prepare. My in-laws were shocked to learn I could melt anything, and then needless to say, they were very impressed. I did have to remove one star, however: It may take looked astonishing, simply the taste really left something to be desired. Next year nosotros may try something else, simply I'd definitely buy it again."

And the winner is …

3. Apocalypse Appliance

Amazin'Mom3 from Goodyear, Az., uses the Generac Commercial Series Liquid-Cooled Standby Generator to stock upward for the zombie apocalypse, and noted how roomy it is: "Nosotros are [able to] fit all 6 kids with cots and accept plenty of storage for food and the 2 milking goats and 7 chickens. Now it is just a waiting game. Would recommend to anyone who knows the cease is near and wants to survive in a world gone to the undead. It is not 'if' anymore – it is when…"

Hallie Jones of Tucson, Az., addressed the issue of neighbor envy in the event of a zombie insurgence, when "we cower in the basement and watch old Star Expedition The Next Generation Tapes." Once they see you assemble your Generac Commercial Serial Liquid-Cooled Standby Generator "guess where ALL your neighbors are going to congregate? 'Hey Jim, yeah I know I borrowed your riding mower a few months ago and gave it dorsum with a chipped bract, only nosotros're out of leather to eddy and swallow and my family unit is slowly going insane from the constant low moans and scratching outside their door, if we could maybe just go far there for an 60 minutes and become a hot shower and recharge our emergency radio… ' You're not going to say no to that, because you lot're a sucker."

And the winner is …

4. The Write Stuff

Jake from Grand Oasis, MI. counts himself as one "orgasmically happy" customer. "Calling this BIC make ballpoint pen a 'pen' is similar calling an diminutive bomb a grenade. It's a whole new thing on its ain!"

Studson "Thug Noodle" rated the pen just one star, pointing out that Bics are non Mac-compatible: "In improver to only working with PC's, I found that [they] too lacked a USB 2.0 port, installation software, and were extremely susceptible to spyware. These pens are not y2k compatible and contain no slot for extra retentiveness. All in all I was not impressed with this product."

And the winner is …

5. It's Hard Out There For a Pimp

B. Bingham establish the Kid'due south White Zebra Pimp Arrange Costume a great value. "We bought this outfit for petty Johnny, as he wanted something abrupt to wear to Spring Fling carnival. His fiddling friend Amber wore the 'Child's Red Happy Hooker Costume (Size XS)' and together they only looked beautiful as a push button!! At the end of the day he came home so excited, and he loved the costume so much he started wearing it regularly! I had no idea he would get so much use out of information technology. He's even added accessories, similar golden chains and bling rings (though I really don't empathize where he got the money… oh well, probably just cheap things from the dollar shop)."

MWyb found this $30,000 lens suitable for the hobbyist. "Developed using the aforementioned technology every bit the Keck telescope in Hawaii, I purchased this product with the intent on taking pictures of my children playing in the dorsum thousand … The downside is the nuclear fission ability supply (fusion model coming soon) radiates slightly as well much gamma radiation so the Sigma make Dosimeter (sold separately) is a must."

Ryan N. Holloway from Washington, DC. wished he could give it more than than 5 stars. "What other reviewers are not mentioning is that if yous plough the lens around and straddle it (with the barrel/lens hood pointing behind you) and hold onto the handle on elevation, it's too a functioning rocket that you can fly to weddings and events."

And the winner is …

7. What the Hell Is It?

Jake Wilson claims to have plant multiple uses for his Guardian Angel: "Comport 1 of these bad boys around and chuck it at whatsoever potential muggers on the street. I gauge that'southward like the medieval equivalent to a hand grenade. It also could make for an (admitting bad-mannered) intimate friend, for the Male monarch Tut-fetish sadomasochists amongst us."

Cecilia Sullivan "Vet Tech, Mom, and Simpering Know-It-All" from Portland, Or., wrote: "If placed strategically, it will guard you from HPV, herpes, all other STDs, pregnancy, and sexual activity. Information technology does, however, make sitting down a bit tricky."

And the winner is … It'due south a tie!

and

8. I Like to Watch

M. McNully "Fantasy Reader/Author" from Texas "needed some bleachers for my local dog park so I could agree blood sports there. When I got the bleachers, there was some girl's telephone number underneath and one-half of the fifth bleacher was made of woods. Is this your 'preferred' bleacher? I thought you said 'all aluminum.' And who the hell is Tiffany?"

C. W. Garrison "lan10base2" says these bleachers "ruined" his life. "I really like my female next door neighbor so I placed the bleachers in my back yard facing her bedroom. Long story short after several lawsuits and a few restraining orders I am now bankrupt. I'm also divorced, and now accept a criminal record. Think carefully about how you lot will employ this product. Will it be for good ….or EVIL!!!!!"

And the winner is …

nine. Cable Ripoff

MB credits this $x,000 audio cable for improving his health: "I suffer from a rare R/F allergy which makes information technology almost impossible for me to leave my lead lined sarcophagus (unless there is a power outage). Generally i tin merely heed to music on an acoustic gramophone and hence my library consists entirely of John Phillips Souza. That all changed when I got the Denon AKDL1 dream maker. No random photons here! I've integrated the cable into a saucepan I've lined with tinfoil and now my library has already expanded to include Count Basie and Sir-Mix-Alot. Life is once again worth living."

Patricia panned the Denon cable, claiming it didn't practise what she wanted information technology to do: "I purchased this bungee cord because it matched the basket on my bicycle. However, it is missing the hooky things on the ends and I had to tie information technology to the handlebars. Very poor planning on Denon's role."

And the winner is …

10. The Word of God

James Sweet from upstate New York almost gave Dr. Colbert'southward Bible Cure for Irritable Bowel Syndrome a pass: "The claims in this book are false. If you lot grind up a Bible and consume it in pill form, it will NOT cure your IBS. Maybe I was confused because I but read the title and not the actual book, but my results have been simply terrible. I have spent over $300 on KJV Bibles, condemned myself to eternal hellfire for blasphemy, and I Nevertheless have irritable bowels."

Michael Fifty. Phelps "Infamous" from Missouri warns that "this book is non intended to provide medical communication, it is more like a chicken soup for the IBS soul kinda communication, and it only works for agnostics some of the time, and atheist don't take butts. Also Catholics should already sympathize that IBS is a form of penalization for your sins."

And the winner is …

Read more than Amazon Reviews hither and also here.

Adam L. Penenberg is a journalism professor at NYU and a contributing author to Fast Company. Follow him on Twitter: @penenberg.

[Epitome: Flickr user Neeta Lind, and Emily Penguin]